A Financial Education Event
     

How to Nail the 400K Interview

Do you enjoy working with tomorrow’s leaders? I sure do!

One of my many volunteer efforts is working with students who have a desire to go to a Department of Defense United States Service Academy such as Navy, West Point, the Merchant Marine Academy and the Air Force Academy (Coast Guard is not a DOD Academy and doesn’t require a Congressional Nomination.) An education that has a value of over 400K and is paid back in 5+ years of military service.

A key part of this process is the Admissions Liaison Officer (ALO) interview AND the Congressional interview. I’ve sat in on over 300+ of these interviews and I’ve thought “with some tips and coaching, these students could have done much better in this interview.” We recently participated in a zoom panel with several of these students and their parents.

Besides being an ALO and Congressional Panelist, I’ve also mentored the three Kay sons who graduated from Navy, Air Force and West Point. Here are some ideas that can help you (or your favorite student) go from good to great in high level, pressure interviews. These ideas are based on work I’ve done professional in Toastmasters, in 2800+ media interviews and in being the interviewer on Congressional panels that interview as many as 50+ students in ONE DAY.

Please feel free to share this blog with the student or person you know has a high level interview coming up. It’s written directly to them!

Best Practices, Tips and Tricks

Keep in mind, this is the most important interview of your life thus far. It’s worth approximately 400K+ (the value of a Service Academy education). This is a high-level interview and these tips are not official USAFA policy, nor have they been endorsed by USAFA. These come from 25 years as a professional speaker & corporate media trainer.

They are also based on my experience as an ALO (USAFA Admissions Liaison Officer) and Congressional Panelist, having interviewed/assessed 300 student candidates.  Besides our kids who graduated from USNA, USAFA and USMA, our other civilian children who graduated from Stanford, Columbia, UTA, &  Moody Bible Institute. All of our kids had interviews involved in their education and all got substantial scholarships to graduate debt free from college.

  • Affirmation – Before the interview, practice some positive affirmations such as “I can do this” and “I’ve prepared for this” and “I’ve worked hard, this is going to be a great interview.” It doesn’t matter if you feel that way or not, just say it either out loud or in your mind. If you have a negative thought leading up to the interview,such as “I’m really nervous” or “I’m not looking forward to this interview” or even “I wish this were over.” Then stop. Reset your mindset and say the positive affirmations I mentioned at the beginning of this point. You could even create your own “Top Ten Affirmations” that you and your parents come up with to counter what I call “stinkin’ thinkin’” Your first three are already listed above.Henry Ford said: “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t—you’re right.”
  • Story Telling and Transparency – As you think through the answers to these questions, incorporate some of your own story that sets you apart. Are you first generation American—there’s a story there. Were you raised by a single parent? Did you have younger siblings to take care of? Did you help care for a family member who was ill or had special needs? Did you have a relative whose example inspired you to military service? Do you have a passion that motivates you such as going on mission trips, helping the homeless, fighting illiteracy or social injustice? Have your parents or mentor help you think through your story and learn to tell it in a way that will have an impact on the listeners.
  • Keep your answers to the ABC Model:

Accurate – Don’t tell anyone else’s story but your own, it will ring of insincerity. If you use numbers, make sure they are up to date. Don’t overstate your scenario. If you quote someone, then give attribution to that quote or story, you don’t want to pretend it’s your own.

Brief – You shouldn’t have an answer that lasts more than one minute. Otherwise, it

sounds like a monologue. But don’t give a “yes” or “no” answer either.  That’s too brief! A 30-45 second answer is ideal.

Clear – Even if you are using fewer words, you still want to be clear so that the panel understands what you are trying to communicate. Ask your parents if you really answered the question and ask them what they heard your answer to be. If they are hearing something different than what you are saying, then you need to rework the answer until you are clear.

  • Practice answering the questions and have your parents listen for the following:

Superfluous Words – parents count how many times they say filler words such as uh, um, ah or like. Work to eliminate these from your vocabulary with more practice. (Using filler words sends a subliminal message of a lack of confidence in what you are saying. )

The Robot – Don’t practice so much that you sound like a robot or like you are giving canned answers. This comes across awkward and/or disingenuous. You want to retain the element of spontaneity even if you have worked on some answers ahead of time.

The Timing – See above under the ABCs of answers (Brief). Parents can time your answers as you aim for a 30-45 second answer. This is just a suggestion and not a hardline rule. The best interviewees keep their answers long enough to answer the question but not so long that they sound like a run-on sentence.

Pacing – Are you talking too fast? This can come across as being nervous if you are a fast talker. The idea is to tell yourself to “slow down” as you are talking and then talk slower still. It “feels” strange to a fast talker, but it comes across as just the right pace. Unless you are from Texas (as I am), then you probably already talk slow enough.  

  • Take Your Time – If you don’t know the answer to a question asked, it’s ok to take a few seconds and compile your thoughts. Look to the side or look down briefly. I call this the “Ryan Seacrest Effect” where that emcee will put his fingers together, briefly look down, then look back up again. By breaking eye contact with the audience, his brain goes to a place where he remembers what he wants to say. It can also eliminate the “deer in the headlights” effect.
  • Complete Sentence – Take a breath, wait a few seconds, then start answering in a complete sentence. As you begin this way, an answer will likely come to you and you buy time in trying to come up with your answer. For example,  Question: What are your two greatest strengths? Answer: I would say that my greatest strength is…
  • Technical Issues – If this is a virtual call (zoom, skype, FaceTime) make sure you have good lighting (light should be BEHIND your computer/device shining on your face.) Check your sound, too. You may want to wear a headset or earbuds to cut down on feedback during the call. You can test these at www.zoom.us/test
  • Posture – Whether virtual or in person, you can improve your posture by sitting on the front half of your chair. Never sit fully back in the chair or you are more likely to slump. Sit up straight with shoulders back, but be comfortable as well. Too straight makes you stiff, too comfortable comes across as careless.
  • Appearance – You can wear a JROTC or CAP uniform (no Scouting Uniforms). It comes across as professional & shows what you look like in uniform.
  • Service Academy Interviews – Young men get a fresh (shorter) haircut, wear a dark suit, even if it is a virtual interview. White shirt, conservative tie. If it’s a new suit, make sure the thread stay holders are off the pleats in the back of the jacket. Just look at the pleats and if there are long threads there, holding the jacket in place, cut those out. Young ladies can wear a modest suit or dress (not a super short skirt). Neat hair (not trendy or brightly colored). Modest makeup (if you use it). Mid height heels (no higher than 3”). Nails should be plain or freshly painted (no peeling polish.) This is a professional look worthy of such a high-level interview.
  • Eye Contact – If in person, make eye contact with the interviewer that is consistent (but not so intense that it comes across as creepy.) If virtual, look for the camera and try to look into the camera.
  • More Information – For further research, I’ve created a three-part blog on how we helped the Kay brothers get into their respective service academies.

https://elliekay.com/wpress/2018/06/12/its-academy-time-usafa-usna-usma-part-1/

https://elliekay.com/wpress/2018/06/19/its-academy-time-usafa-usna-usma-part-2/

https://elliekay.com/wpress/2018/06/26/its-academy-time-usafa-usna-usma-part-3 /

Mock Interview Panel – Zoom/Skype/GoogleHangouts

WHY:  This is an opportunity to compile a group of people to interview the student. It simulates the pressure the student will feel at the Congressional Panel. If they can experience it once before it actually happens, it will give them greater confidence.

WHO:  Your parents, educators or JROTC Leaders can help get a group together. If you’re in Scouting, they could help put together a panel for you. About 3 to 5 people who join all at one time (probably virtually) to interview you. It will last about 20-30 minutes, depending on how verbose the interviewee and the panelists are during the interview and the feedback section.

WHEN:  Sometime before the ALO and Congressional Panel interviews. You can send out a doodle (organizer) to the panelists to get a date that works for everyone. www.doodle.com

HOW:  Let someone serve as the organizer (maybe a parent) who will send out copies of the questions provided in this document. The questions are numbered.  (Or even send this entire file so they know what to look for in the interview.)

  • The organizer will assign different questions (by number) to the different panelists ahead of time (dividing it up equally).
  • Everyone will join the call and the organizer will welcome everyone, then provide an order of who asks questions first, second, etc. Then the panelists take turns asking their questions and taking notes.
  • I suggest the organizer give a copy of all the questions to each of the panelists ahead of time so they can take appropriate notes.
  • Parents will count uhs, ums and filler words.
  • Each panelist can also add ONE question not on the file so that the student gets to answer extemporaneously (something they didn’t prepare ahead of time.)
  • NO feedback comments from panelists (other than questions) will be made DURING the interview. This is simulating a real interview.
  • At the end of all of the questions, the organizer will say “Thank you for coming today.” That marks the “end” of the formal interview. Next–the feedback session.
  • Then the panelists will take 2-3 minutes each to give feedback verbally. I suggest a “feedback sandwich.”  Say something encouraging first, then the “meat” of what needs to be improved, then something encouraging again. Please do not select panelists who are overly critical—this will not improve the student’s confidence. We are looking for constructive feedback, NOT constructive criticism and there is a difference. It’s the mindset of helping versus a mindset of being critical.
  • The panelists can scan and return their written feedback after the mock panel.

For the actual questions, you can email us at assistant@elliekay.com and ask for Mock Interview Questions.

The World is Going to Know Her Name

Bethany Grace. That name means something. It was the name I had for her two older brothers if they had been born a girl. But then I finally got my Bethany Grace. There’s power in a name. There’s power in THAT name. Bethany Grace. It means “graceful one in the house of God.”

She was born unconventionally with a doctor I’d never met. The base hospital was being closed down in phases and if a mom delivered on two particular weekends a month, she had to go downtown. We had to use the ER doctors and they didn’t know me. But that issue was soon rectified. I arrived in the middle of active labor and I fought for my birth plan and won. The prize? The winners got a beautiful baby girl born in grace and joy.

Long before Alexander Hamilton became a play, the world was going to know her name. Bethany Grace.

I told Bob I didn’t know what to do with a girl, I was the mother of boys that kept a cloth diaper near the changing table to stop a sudden fountain. I knew about boys. I knew about overalls and Tonka trucks. But a girl?

My daughter got two baby showers and we had TONS of dresses that she would soon outgrow so I had to make use of them quickly. Every day Bob came home from flying jets, he saw his baby girl in a different dress with ruffles, bows, lace and bonnets. Our friends were very generous. After two straight weeks of new dresses, he came home one day, shrugged his shoulders, and wryly said, “I guess you figured out what to do with a girl.” Bethany Grace, you are a gift.

She grew in grace with a joy that was contagious and quickly spread to all she met. She laughed and giggled and suddenly the old curmudgeons in the restaurant were laughing and giggling. She had the power to exchange storm clouds for sunshine and butterflies. She still has that power.

She’s used her power wisely–to bring grace to others, to selflessly serve a community of children in Europe and military members around the world. She’s used her power to revitalize an indifferent audience into a mosh pit of excitement and anticipation. Whether she’s speaking to 3 people or 3000, she’s engaged, enigmatic and effervescent. She’s Bethany Grace.

Today, she turns 30 and has much to show for her years– she’s visited 30 countries with no debt, she’s spoken to large audiences and worked her magic on them, she’s become a Godly wife and a couple months ago, she became an unconventional mom. I say unconventional because Caden was born during COVID19 and with a “eventful” pregnancy. I say unconventional because motherhood doesn’t normally come so easily to women the way it did to my daughter. Her child doubled his birth weight in 7 weeks under her expert care. You would have thought this was her 5th child instead of her first. Bethany, there’s no shame in having a smooth transition to motherhood and a fierce love & appreciation for your good little baby.

Bethany Grace, you’ve done right by your name. You have walked gracefully in the House of God and outside of those walls as well. You’ve conquered opposition and oppression along the way. The world may not yet know your name, but YOUR world knows it–your mama & papa, your brothers, your faithful friends, your sweet husband and your precious son. It’s a name that brings a smile to our lips and joy to our hearts. It’s a name that will live eternally in a kingdom far away. It’s a name I love.

Happy Birthday, daughter. Happiest of Birthdays, Bethany Grace.

 

This was written by Ellie Kay as a tribute to her co-host on The Money Millhouse for her birthday. To hear this mother/daughter team in action, go to The Money Millhouse podcast.  

What Does Freedom Mean to You?

The Kay family loves the 4th of July.  That includes 12 of us who appreciate Independence Day and what this holiday represents. However, there are a couple of the Kay family members who loathe the holiday.  I know I shouldn’t single them out, but I’m tired of the way that they take the freedom they enjoy for granted. These Kay family members have never thanked our
Marine, Airman or Soldier for their service, they don’t send care packages when our sons deploy into harm’s way overseas.

I’ve decided I’m going to call them out. After all, who are they to dampen the enthusiasm of millions of revelers on such an important day in our nation’s history? So here it goes:

Belle and Anna—you are ruining the holidays for all of us.

Yes, our two mini schnauzers and granddog would rather bark, whine or run and hide under a bed when they hear fireworks in our neighborhood than appreciate the holiday in all its noisy glory. It’s gotten so bad, that we must get sedatives to get them through the 4th of July each year (to clarify, the sedatives are for them and not us—although I’m tempted.) Poor, unpatriotic puppies are terrified by the Black Cats, M80s and Lady fingers that the neighbor kids fire off every y

Today, I like to thank those who serve as well as those who have served in the past and those who love them. It’s because of these heroes we can enjoy these freedoms. As I reflect on the freedom of speech, the press and religion, I’m grateful to live in the land of the free because of the brave.

I’m also grateful for the opportunity we have through the non-profit Heroes at Home to educate our Airmen, Soldiers, Marines and Sailors in Financial Literacy. Our Money Millhouse podcast and our free show provides our

audiences with four, top-level speakers, a live twitter party and over 100+ door prizes to include free financial books and gift cards. This is all made possible by generous donations from USAA, Experian and other companies as well as individuals like you, who believe in helping our military members stay financially healthy so that they can keep their security clearances and do their important life-and-death work. All our speakers are volunteers and Heroes at Home doesn’t pay honorariums—these educators believe in our military members and their families

 

. Currently, less than 1% of our donations go toward fundraising and over 90% goes directly to the support of educational programs for our troops.

What do I believe freedom means today?

I believe it means a free America.

I believe we can enjoy our freedom because of those who serve and those who love them.

I believe our Creator has freely given us gifts, talents and resources to make the lives of others better.

I believe in those who fight for our freedom both at home and abroad.
I believe in the land of the free because of the brave.

And I believe it’s time to go give those pesky puppies their sedatives before the fireworks begin.

What does freedom mean to YOU today?

 

 

 

 

A Closer Look at Father’s Day

Dad. Papa. Old man. World’s Greatest Fighter Pilot. We call the fathers in our lives a lot of different things (some more well-received than others), but most of us can agree that we appreciate them. With Father’s Day coming up soon, it’s time to start thinking of ways to show that gratitude to your paternal unit.

To celebrate our 100th podcast episode, we invited the fathers & husbands in our life into The Money Millhouse studio to get their spin on our show. Even we (Bethany Bayless and Ellie Kay) were surprised to hear their inputs and we learned something about these great guys and fathers.

According to digital offers destination, RetailMeNot, a survey found more people buy Mother’s Day gifts for mom than Father’s Day gifts for dad (86%* vs. 77%). Other findings include:

•Nearly half (48%) of consumers surveyed believe that people spend more on Mother’s Day gifts than on Father’s Day gifts

•20% of consumers surveyed admit they are more creative with gifts for their mom on Mother’s Day than for their dad on Father’s Day

•Gift cards (17%) and quality time with the family (17%) top dads’ Father’s Day wish lists this year. 

He might act like he enjoys that tie or bottle of hot sauce you get him every single year, but a unique gift every now and then can go a long way. Best of all, it doesn’t have to be expensive. Here are three unique ways to show your father or father figure some love this year, without spending a ton of cash. 

Use Online Coupons: Use RetailMeNot.com, or download the app. Whenever you have an idea of what to get dad, type in that store to get coupons to be used online or in store. You should never have to pay full price when you have coupons so close at hand!

Give dad some time off this year: Use sites like travelzoo.com to find great destination packages for great deals for later this summer or fall. It could even be a weekend getaway close to where he lives–you are able to search by location for the best deals around. 

Customized gift: We’re not talking just coffee mugs or canvas photos here (find these at Walgreens with same day service and coupons on their website or Retail Me Not)… we’re also talking something completely customized and unique. My son Daniel surprised me last Mother’s Day with a framed “Kay Family Rules” listing all the sayings we would tell our kids when they were growing up. It was funny, memorable and something even a father would appreciate.

At other craft sites like Etsy, you’ll find a wide variety of handmade and vintage gifts that can be personalized with a simple note to the seller. They even have a convenient section up right now that lists dad-like items such as guitar pick bracelets, dog tags, robes and phone holders.

Do-it-yourself project: Pinterest is our go to place for ideas. And while it’s another great option for finding a customized gift, it’s an even better starting point for something you can make yourself. For example, if your father has a particularly defined “power stache,” like Papa Kay, there’s a gift on Pinterest for a jar with an outline of a mustache, which can easily be made and personalized yourself. (Plus it makes a pretty good place for him to store his combs, razor and other items.)

The gift of an experience: If you’re lucky enough to live by your dad, one of the most memorable gifts you can give him is simply spending some time with him. You could toss baseballs at the park (while social distancing) cook his favorite meal (barbecue, anyone?) or go to a hike or bike ride. 

When it comes to a Father’s Day gift, a more expensive gift isn’t necessarily a better gift. Put some thought into it and he’ll be happy. Just be sure to call him by one of the names he likes–The World’s Greatest Fighter Pilot agrees.

Ellie Kay
America’s Family Financial Expert (R)

Revive and Thrive Virtual Women’s Conference

In my podcast, The Money Millhouse, we are addressing financial issues for women who make and manage money–especially during a pandemic. We believe in supporting each other.

In these unprecedented times, women need more support and encouragement than ever. We need words of hope and truth to spur us on in our “new normal” and help us live lives of greater joy and purpose despite our circumstances. Revive and Thrive is a virtual conference we’ve created to do just that! I will be presenting “Living Rich for Less.” 

We’ve gathered a group of amazing teachers, speakers, and authors to pour into women’s lives in on a variety of subjects that will educate, equip, inspire, and challenge. Best of all, it can be
enjoyed at your leisure in the privacy and safety of your own home.  As added bonuses, each speaker has offered a free downloadable gift and will personally host one live video chat in the weeks after the conference airs so you can connect with her, ask questions, and interact with other women. My zoom chat will be on June 2 at 4:00 PM PST.

I know that at times I feel I’m doing fine in the midst of sheltering in place despite the fact I’ve cancelled 11 trips (many for business.) I’m trusting that as I continue to do the right things for the right reasons, I can trust God for the results. Watching some of my fellow speakers talk about these very feelings I’m experiencing has been revitalizing for me. One of my biggest takeaways was from Dr. Michelle Bengtson’s talk on “Breaking Anxiety’s Grip” where I learned to say “I get to” instead of “I have to.” That tiny little change was so very hard but it completely changed the way I’m viewing this season of life.

I look forward to seeing how you will revive and thrive as a result of this virtual conference!

The Science of Laughter

Next week, I have the privilege of keynoting at the AFCPE symposium and I’ll present The Science of Laughter. This is a topic near to my heart because it’s the way I’ve lived my life.

When I married my husband, I got a three for one deal: I married the World’s Greatest Fighter Pilot and I also inherited two young stepdaughters. Then my groom said, “let’s join the active duty Air Force and we can see the world.” But what he really showed me was five more children in seven years for a total of seven children. Then we took the show on the road and moved eleven times in thirteen years. I learned, very quickly, that I needed to learn to look at life in a funny way or end up on the funny farm.

I chose laughter.

I chose joy.

And my life has been better for it.

It has been said that “Laughter is Good Medicine,” but why is that actually true? There are a number of ways that laughter benefits the health and wealth of the communities we serve. These benefits exist on a number of levels.

 

The Physical Benefits of Laughter – Research from a variety of sources, including UCLA’s famous RxLaughter program explains what happens to someone physically when they laugh.  It has a measurable benefit for an individual’s blood pressure and stress levels, it decreases heart disease, and improves overall physical health. In fact, Lee Berk, an associate professor at Loma Linda University, asserts that “Laughter appears to cause all the reciprocal, or opposite effects of stress.”  The amazing result is that when we laugh more, we stress less.

 

The Social Benefits of Laughter Robert R. Provide, a behavioral neuroscientist from the University of Maryland indicates that laughter is a social behavior. His studies testify that humor is contagious & can spread to an audience, it’s actually a form of communication. Sara Algoe, an associate professor of social psychology at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill has said, “We think laughter can draw us closer together to other people and grease the wheels for better social interaction”

There is also a specific science behind jokes, anecdotes and one-liners. When you build these into your work and presentations, everyone receives a quick, mental vacation.

 

The Financial Benefits of Laughter – You may have heard the classic premise of “laughing all the way to the bank,” but it is actually true in some ways.  The quantitative data & my own personal experience proves how incorporating laughter into speaking events, financial education & contract negotiations improve an entrepreneur’s bottom line. Humor also helps teams maximize efficiency, effectiveness and it facilitates employee retention.

I was once working a contract to gain funding for Heroes at Home, my non-profit dedicated to providing free financial education to young military members. I was making very little headway with lead decision maker and it looked like we were going to end in a “no deal” situation. We decided to table the discussion until the end of our lunch together. I took the time to share humorous anecdotes about my biggest gaffes in my work with these service members and also shared some lighthearted stories that made the table begin to laugh. And I shared more and they laughed more. You’ve probably guessed the end of this story—we got our funding and more. I didn’t share the stories to get the contract, I shared them to lighten the environment. In the end, everyone was happier, and my military audiences were the ones who gained the most.

Take Away/Application to the Field

There is a very specific take away to the Science of Laughter and the way it applies to the entrepreneurs, the field of financial education and AFC® practitioners. I’ve seen these results in some of the 2000 financial education presentations that I’ve made to hundreds of thousands of participants and I’ve been gratified by the results. Using laughter helps in many unexpected ways such as information retention, better health and as a way to grow your business.

 

Information Retention – Humor helps the AFC®’s clients learn more in financial education sessions, whether it’s one-on-one or in front of 5,000 people. By including very specific humorous examples & conducting exercises that are effective but are also workplace appropriate, we can help our clients and audiences retain more information. One of my guiding principles is: when in doubt about a joke, always err on the side of propriety. I’m not willing to lose an audience member in the name of humor if it could alienate them in the process. But sharing a lighthearted quote or story can give the mind a break and then allow my audience to reengage in order to learn more.

 

Greater Health – Incorporating humor into your work life not only helps others, it helps the entrepreneur as well. If you are presenting at a workshop, a keynote or even in your own Toastmasters group, your audiences can experience this real time with some simple, short exercises that they can do during the session you present. One such exercise is to have them imagine what they would look like if they were shocked with an electrical shock, then turn to the person next to them, and without a word–imitate that look. It’s almost impossible NOT to laugh.

Another example of seeing this in action was when I was at FinCon19 and one of the keynote speakers quoted Mayo Angelou’s famous quote, “’I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Bethany Bayless, the wildly funny FinCon emcee, applauded the speaker and then said to the audience, “Now turn to the person sitting next to you, put your hand on their arm and say, ‘I will always remember how you feel.’” It took a moment for them to understand the humorous twist. But it was such an in-the-moment and funny turn on the quote that the audience kept laughing, in waves, for a full 3 minutes.” They needed the mental break from the heavy content they just heard from the keynote and this humorous exercise was just what the doctor ordered.

Grow Your Practice and your Business – Incorporating humor improves audience feedback and can lead to more opportunities for the practitioner. It’s one of the reasons we use liberal doses of humor in our podcast, The Money Millhouse. Whether it is word of mouth amongst individual clients, a greater social following or a demand for these skills in front of larger audiences, anyone can grow a practice or a business by adding the tool of laughter to their toolkit.

Memorial Day and #HonorThroughAction

Gold Star Family

Being part of a gold star family is like being part of an honored and exclusive club—but one that no one wants to join. The gold star indicates that a member of that family died while serving their country. We are a three-star blue star family, which means that we currently have three family members serving with sons in the Marines, Air Force and Army. We’ve weathered deployments to Afghanistan and Iraq—praying our way through each day they were there. We never want to add another gold star to our family.

Yes, our family is a gold star family because of my Grandfather, SSGT Walter Rawleigh, a bombardier on a B-24. He was on his 47thmission in Madang, Papua New Guinea. Fully gassed and loaded with bombs, the “Cisco Kid II” had an engine malfunction on take-off and crashed into an encampment of Seabees having breakfast. Ten members of the crew and 165 Seabees suddenly died that day. Obviously, I never knew my grandfather and my dad was a young child when his father perished. I know that my father, Chief Master Sgt Rodger Rawleigh, USAF (Ret) was inspired to serve because of the fact his dad never came back from war.

 

Memorial Day

Memorial Day is about gold star families and should not be confused with Veteran’s Day. The latter is a day which honors all who have served in the United States military. A memorial is a remembrance of those who paid the ultimate sacrifice. It’s not a day to say, “Happy Memorial Day,” even though many Americans have a day off. Many will use that time to picnic and enjoy their families and friends. In fact, the original tradition of this day was to eat a picnic while sitting on the grounds of a cemetery.

This national holiday was first recognized by Congress in 1971 and before that time it was known as Decoration Day, which originated shortly after the Civil war. Besides my Grandfather’s tragic accident, 645,000 Americans have given their lives in defense of our freedoms. What can we do to appropriately honor those who died? I’m glad you asked.

 

The Poppy

 Honoring our fallen with a poppy is a tradition that was inspired by the poem crafted in 1915
entitled, “In Flanders Fields.” It was written by Lt. Col John McCrae after he lost a friend during WWI.  McCrae’s poem inspired Moina Michael, an American professor and volunteer for the American YWCA, to write a response poem, “We Shall Keep the Faith,” vowing to wear a red poppy as a symbol of remembrance.

Michaels campaigned to have the red poppy adopted as a national symbol of remembrance and, with help from Anna Guerin and the 1920 National American Legion Conference, the poppy became the official symbol of remembrance.

But it’s not limited to our country, the poppy is used as a symbol of remembrance all over the world. Along with the American Legion, we encourage people to wear or display a poppy on this weekend to remember those who lost their lives in battle.

 

Virtual Poppy Field

I invite everyone to join the conversation online using #honorthroughaction and share your story. What does Memorial Day mean to you? Who are you honoring? You can visit www.poppyinmemory.com to dedicate a digital poppy to a fallen hero or as a gesture of appreciation for those who have sacrificed all. It only takes minutes to participate and I want to thank USAAwho are sponsoring this initiative and for all their help in Heroes at Home.

Honor the fallen today.

5 Do’s and Don’ts For a Smooth Transition to College or A Service Academy

When my daughter, Bethany was 4 years old, we called her “Bunny” because she hopped from heart to heart. She loved to play with her little girlfriends and one afternoon she spent the entire afternoon with Amanda. She was a little girl who felt life deeply and could go from being on top of the world to the depths of despair in nanoseconds.

When I picked her up from her friend’s she bounced to the car and chatted all the way home. We walked in the door and I asked her how Amanda’s older sister was doing. Suddenly, she began to sob, uncontrollably.

“What’s wrong, Bunny?” I handed her a Kleenex.

“I don’t want to leave you, Mama!” she wailed.

“Why would you think you have to leave?” I was really confused.

She looked at me through her tears, “To go to COLLEGE.”

Apparently Amanda’s older sister was preparing to move to go to college and Bethany couldn’t imagine a day when she would have to leave her Papa and myself to go to school. The good news is that fourteen years later, she was a little bit more prepared when she moved from California to Chicago to go to college. She got a B.A. in Communications, with an emphasis in Electronic Media and was in her element.

Today, Bethany and I host The Money Millhousepodcast and still get just as emotional, on occasion, while putting her college degree to good use. We made a point of preparing Bunny and all the Kay kids for college, long before they went to Freshman orientation. Three of the Kay kids went to service academies, which meant they only had less than a month at home after high school graduation.

Whether you are prepping kids to go to a civilian university or whether they are going a service academy like three of our sons (USMA, USAFA, USNA) here’s some “homework” in the form of five do’s and don’ts to make a smooth move.   

  1. Don’t – Fill up free time with friends at the expense of family. 
  • Friends come and go but family is forever.
  • Only a small percentage of your friends from high school will still be your BFFs throughout college. Less than 2% of boyfriend/girlfriend relationships will last until

    college graduation.

          Do – Tell your mama (and papa) that you love them early and often.

  • Mend fences and build bridges with family members.
  • Expect there to be some pre-separation anxiety on both sides (parents and kids) so give each other a lot of grace.
  • Students, please understand that this is hard on your parents, especially if you are moving away to go to school.
  • Parents, understand that this is hard on your kid because they are about to go do something they’ve never done before. For those going to service academies, it’s going to be big and scary and you won’t be there.
  • Students, take the time to thank your parents, grandparents, friends, educators and coaches.
  1. Don’t – Take a break from physical fitness, especially if attending a Service Academy.
  • My husband, Bob, and our son, Jonathan, went to The Air Force Academy and they used to say that “The Air Force Academy is at an altitude of 7258 feet—far far above Annapolis or West Point.” That’s why physical fitness was important.
  • If you’re going to a service academy, you’re going to take a Physical Fitness Test as soon as you get there.
  • Engage in risky behavior, now is not the time to push the limits legally or physically. Don’t take up space jumping or quad racing because a broken limb could cost an appointee their service academy appointment.

          Do – Continue to workout and make wise choices.

  • Physical fitness is a healthy way to cope with pressure in college.
  • Even if you go on a family vacation or have a lot of things to do.
  • For service academy appointees, run 3 miles 3-4 times a week and then do 50 pushups and 50 sit ups every day.
  1. Don’t – Make this all about you.
  • Parents, don’t create drama before they go or after they’ve gone.
  • Moms, don’t sob and cry and tell them you don’t’ know how you’re going to survive without them. Shedding a few tears is OK, but doing what Oprah calls “the ugly cry” isn’t all right.
  • Parental, sibling or significant other drama is a distraction to the service academy appointee going through basic cadet training or “beast.” Distractions can lead to accidents and accidents can lead to a turn back (meaning they have to go home.)
  • Don’t post a bunch of “poor me-isms” on social media

          Do – Keep it positive. 

  • Right now, service academy portals will have a mailing address for the student. Give this address to friends and family and with your network because cards and letters mean everything during basic training. “Basics” aren’t allowed access to computers, phones or social media.
  • Do send simple cards and letters – no perfume on the cards, no kissy marks on the envelopes, no care packages during beast, and no food. After beast is over, you can send these.
  • Do tell your student funny stories about a younger sibling or the dog.
  • Do send pictures of the dog or pet.
  • Do keep it light and not heavy.Students, do make your social media channels private or have them go dormant.
  • Do clean up these channels because you never know what the cadre will get ahold of and you don’t want to embarrass yourself or become a targ
  1. Don’t –Be Han Solo – you don’t have to do this alone.
  • My husband’s advice to our sons for basic cadet training was. “Keep your mouth shut and help your classmates.”
  • Don’t stand out as the first, the most knowledgeable or the best or worst
  • For parents, don’t go this journey alone, join a parents club or booster club.
  • Remember, parents, sometimes you don’t know what you don’t know.

          Do – Be a team player.

  • Look for ways you can help others get through Beast.
  • The friendships you make in BCT and college will last a lifetime. My husband, Bob and I just had dinner with a classmate of USAFA class of l978.
  • Do take advantage of the sponsor family program, a program that allows local families to “adopt” a cadet or midshipman.Some of these friendships may become like a second family—or at least get you to the airport.
  • Parents, do join a parents clubfor your respective service academy. Your civilian friends don’t get it, other service academy parents do understand the unique situation your family faces.
  1. Don’t – Ever forget the “why” of what this education and your career means.
  • Service Academy Appointees are choosing something hard, something their civilian friends will never understand, but there’s a big “why.” They want to serve their country as officers.
  • During BCT and during your 4 years there, you’ll have to sometimes take life a meal at a time, a day at a time.
  • Parents, don’t forget that being a good parent means you let them fly and you support their choice to serve. You don’t have to like it or feel good about what those choices may include.
  • Parents, DON’T borrow tomorrow’s trouble. While they are there, they are safe, they are not deployed, they are not in harm’s way. Today has enough challenges of its own without borrowing on tomorrow. As long as they are in training, they aren’t in combat. If and when that day happens, you’ll have the strength you need to cope. We know this, having had one son serve in a combat zone in both Afghanistan and Iraq.
  • Appointees, remember your goals in getting through BCT and the academy—to fly, to serve, to go into cyber security or intel, or missles or space. Your goal is much bigger than BCT and that’s why you’ll get through.

Do –  Remember the Legacy

  • You are part of a long line of military service.
  • Think about the parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts or uncles who have ever served. You are part of that legacy.
  • Your legacy keeps American free.
  • Putting on a uniform doesn’t make someone a hero, but those who put on that uniform and serve with integrity first, service before self and excellence in all they do—that’s pretty heroic.
  • There’s another kind of hero as well, the Heroes at Homeand those are the parents, siblings, grandparents and family members of those who serve. America thanks you as well. 

“It starts and ends with character, and it’s a journey, not a destination. Leadership is a gift, and it is given to us by those who follow.”

General David Goldfein

Air Force Chief of Staff

 

 

Give the Gift of Investing

During the holidays, it’s a time of giving—and sometimes sorting. For example, this past week, I sorted my closet and gave away 10 bags of clothing, purses, belts, scarves and shoes. I did a quick reckoning and calculated that the original value of those items was a cool $1000. Many of those giveaways were once gifts from friends and family. I couldn’t help but think, “What if I was gifted with money in a savings account or an investment fund instead?” The answer is: “You’d be a lot better off and your investment would have earned money instead of ending up in a giveaway bin.”

This year, why not take $500 and open an investment account for someone you love? Give the gift of investing by getting a loved one a start in this key area of financial responsibility. Recently on The Money Millhouse, we hosted Brenna Casserly. Brenna Casserly is CEO and Co-Founder of Emperor Investments, a Toronto-based robo-advisor.

She helped us understand a lot about Emperor and how they work as well as other investment terms such as an ETF. Brenna said, “Think of an ETF like a black box. When you open the box you notice that it is filled with some really great companies and others not so good. When you buy an ETF, you buy the entire black box and unfortunately cannot just pick out the companies you wish to own.”

One of the reasons we like Emperor Investments is that Emperor was founded on the notion that investing is highly personal. Over the course of the last decade, Brenna and co-founder, Francis Tapon, have developed proprietary technology that builds personalized portfolios. This means you don’t have to know everything there is to know about investing, you’ll have a partner at Emperor who will help you decide which fund is best for your investment style and your financial needs.

For a limited time, you can open an account at Emperor and our non-profit, Heroes at Home, will benefit from your new account if you use this link to Emperor Investments for the Money Millhouse. We believe in this kind of investing so much that we gifted an account to others who need help in just getting started.

So instead of giving your friend or family member gifts that will end up in the giveaway bin in just a few years, give them an investment account that will be worth more than your original investment in a few years. The gift that will keep on giving.

Don’t forget to use our Money Millhouse link in order to benefit Heroes at Home, so that we can continue to provide free financial education to our military members around the world.

 

 

Honor and Celebrate our Veterans With #HonorThroughAction

In an effort to serve those that serve us, Heroes at Home and The Money Millhouse work to provide free financial education to our service members and their families. In the past, USAA has partnered with us and they continue to celebrate Veterans Day as a very specific occasion during which we can honor and celebrate those who’ve served and continue to serve our country.  Both of our organizations believe that celebrating our veterans encourages them to tell their stories about how and why they served in the effort to educate our public about our military community. Veterans Day stands as a reminder to celebrate the 20 million veterans (6 percent of our population) who have and continue to defend our country each and every day. We hope you will join us by taking a moment to honor veterans through a very simple action, share this with your followers, and invite them to participate as well. See the photo and this video to see who we are honoring from our families and why.

 

#HonorThroughAction

Celebrate veterans by following these quick and easy steps:

  • Draw a V on your hand, and the initials of a veteran you personally would like to honor
  • Snap a selfie – or have someone take the picture – showing your hand with the V
  • Share the photo on your social channels tagging and mentioning #HonorThroughAction, along with a message of appreciation for our veterans
  • Invite others to do the same as we head into Veterans Day… even tag and call out 2-3 you feel should act on this
  • For more background on this campaign to honor those who have served, go to www.usaa.com/VeteransDay

 Here’s a hint (from Ellie) about the veterans I’m honoring: I married one and gave birth to three!

Here are some more quick facts about Veteran’s Day:

  • Many Americans confuse Veterans Day with Memorial Day; Veterans Day is meant to give thanks to our living veterans while Memorial Day is a day to remember those who gave their life while serving our country.
  • One hundred years ago, peace came to the battlefields of Europe with the signing of the armistice between the Allies and Germany on the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month in 1918. This officially ended World War I – the war to end all wars.
  • In commemoration of the war’s end, Armistice Day was first observed on Nov. 11, 1919.
  • U.S. Congress passed a resolution in 1926 for an annual observance and Nov. 11 became a national holiday in 1938.
  • In  954, President Dwight D. Eisenhower issued a proclamation that changed the name to Veterans Day to honor everyone who took the oath in service to America and served honorably during war or peacetime.
  • “On that day, let us solemnly remember the sacrifices of all those who fought so valiantly, on the seas, in the air and on foreign shores, to preserve our heritage of freedom, and let us re-consecrate ourselves to the task of promoting an enduring peace so that their efforts shall not have been in vain.” – President Dwight D. Eisenhower
  • All around the world, countries commemorate Armistice Day which is also called Remembrance Day.
  • Traditionally, two minutes of silence are held at 11 a.m. on Nov. 11 in reverent remembrance of those who gave their lives for their country.
  • The Royal British Legion sells poppies from October through Nov. 11 as a symbol to help honor and remember those who’ve fallen in service.

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