Not every “savings” can be measured in dollars and cents. One of the things we emphasized in our family is the saving of memories. Our Thankful Tree was featured in a Woman’s Day magazine one year. It took two photographers 8 rolls of film and four hours to get one 3 x 5 photo in the magazine. Joshua was missing for one roll of film and we didn’t notice until we saw him making faces from behindthe photographers and we asked, “What are you doing back there?”
The tip we gave is how we’ve stayed in touch with family and friends during this holiday. On November 1st, we made a Thankful Tree on poster board and put it on our wall or front door. The tree was bare because the leaves that we made out of construction paper have not yet been gathered. The leaves have the person’s name on them and say, “Papa is thankful for _________.” But we left the tree bare at the beginning of the season to teach the children how barren our lives are without the giving of thanks.
We made and sent the leaves to friends and family around the world along with a self-addressed envelope. When these envelopes came back, the children got excited as they took turns opening them. At dinner that night, we read the leaf and give thanks along with those who are thankful and put the leaf on our tree. By Thanksgiving Day, we had a tree full of thanks. We carefully saved the leaves in an envelope marked by the year and kept all in our Thanksgiving decoration box. Each year, we read the leaves from past years.
We never know when this year’s leaf might be someone’s last, or which family might have a new leaf on next year’s tree. So we give thanks. These days, we gather “thankful comments” from facebook, email and twitter, but the point is we are connecting with friends and family in a meaningful way.
This holiday, what are YOU thankful for? Besides our health and our family, we are thankful for two weddings this year, healthy grandchildren, and the chance to be together during the holidays.
One of my favorite things to do when I have my adult children home is to go to church. We always went as a family when they were growing up and having them join in when they are home brings back great memories. The last time they came home, I stood in our row with Jonathan and Joshua sitting next to me and fought back tears of gratitude. At the end of the service, the music swelled loudly, our cue to leave the sanctuary and make room for the next service in our large church.
Bob and I got separated from the boys in the exiting crowd and when I looked back to see where they were, I was stunned to see the two boys wrestling in the aisles. Jonathan had Joshua in a headlock and Joshua was trying to punch him in the kidneys to break the lock.
Oy vey. Some things never change. “We were just having some fun!” they declared as I grabbed them by the ears and they straightened up.
Family times are the best times.
They Kay family loves to get together for the holidays, but travel can be expensive. Knowing when to buy those airline tickets can mean the difference between paying cash for your holiday travel or going into further credit card debt.
Thanksgiving and Christmas are still weeks away, but October is the month you should look to book flights for both holidays.
Keep in mind that it’s important to budget for holiday travel in conjunction with all the other expenses accrued during the holidays.
In our family, we value experiences over things. This means we will spend money to get kids home and spend less on their gifts once they get here. After all, it would be boring if we didn’t have Jonathan and Joshua fighting in the church aisles during the holidays.
“Mama, can you ask Miss Natalya if I can hold the baby?” my 6’ 4” son asked with hopeful expectation.
Moments later, he was holding the pretty little three-month-old baby girl and smiling proudly, “now take my picture.”
Ever since he was a teenager, he absolutely loved babies. Holding them. Having his picture made with them. Then giving them back when they made the tell-tale popping sounds that let him know the infant was filling up her diaper.
Fast forward ten years. Past his years as a midshipman at Annapolis, past his years as a graduate student at Stanford, past combat tours in Afghanistan and Iraq. Fast forward to the present. Now, this Marine is holding his newborn son, Robert Philip Kay, III.
“Why are you picking up the baby when he’s sleeping?” I watch my son cuddle his 4-day-old son, the infant’s tiny features pronounced next to his big father’s duplicate profile.
“Because I’m the dad and I can hold him whenever I want.” He holds him. He has his picture made with him. And when the tell-tale popping noises indicate little Robbie is filling his diaper, he’s suddenly changed. He goes from a boy who has never changed a diaper to a man who changes every single one his tiny son fills (and his namesake filled six of those bad boys in only 24 hours.)
I’m proud of my man child who grew up so quickly, met a beautiful mermaid, married her before she got away and made me a “Glam-ma” to a tiny human who has my Hispanic hair, my husband’s name, his mother’s nose and his father’s legacy.
My daughter in law is a precious asset to the Kay family and not surprisingly, she’s great with money. Here are eight new mom tips that come from her recent experience and my background as a mom of many.
8 Ways to Save Bucks on Babies
Congratulations on your new baby. Whether you are the parent, grandparents, auntie, uncle or just a favorite friend—this is an exciting time for your entire family.
My husband and I are and thankful for our children and now our children’s children. We are often asked how we raised so many successful children, with success being measured as kids who are living their purpose and making the world a better place.
We usually answer this question with, “We tried to think of what was best for the child. I didn’t think about what I wanted to do, I thought about what was going to be the best option for my child.”
Gotta go check instastories for the latest baby video—until next time!
The Kay family loves the 4th of July. That includes 12 of us who appreciate Independence Day and what this holiday represents. However, there are three of the Kay family members who loathe the holiday. I know I shouldn’t single them out, but I’m tired of the way that they take the freedom they enjoy for granted. These Kay family members have never thanked our Marine, Airman or Soldier for their service, they don’t send care packages when our sons deploy into harm’s way in Afghanistan and Iraq. They seem to resent the extra attention given to these sons and the way people celebrate the holiday—in fact, they are very vocal in their displeasure and let everyone around them know it. I know it’s probably bad form to out these unpatriotic, self-centered individuals, but I’ve decided I’m going to call them out. After all, who are they to dampen the enthusiasm of millions of revelers on such an important day in our nation’s history? So here it goes:
Buddy, Anna, and Belle—you are ruining the holidays for all of us.
Yes, our three mini schnauzers would rather bark, whine or run and hide under a bed when they hear fireworks in our neighborhood than appreciate the holiday in all its noisy glory. It’s gotten so bad, that we must get sedatives to get them through the 4th of July each year (to clarify, the sedatives are for them and not us—although I’m tempted.) Poor, unpatriotic puppies are terrified by the Black Cats, M80s and Lady fingers that the neighbor kids fire off every year. But I don’t share their disdain for the holiday.
Today, I like to thank those who serve as well as those who have served in the past and those who love them. It’s because of these heroes we can enjoy these freedoms. As I reflect on the freedom of speech, the press and religion, I’m grateful to live in the land of the free because of the brave.
I’m also grateful for the opportunity we have through the non-profit Heroes at Home to educate our Airmen, Soldiers, Marines and Sailors in Financial Literacy. Our free show provides our audiences with four, top-level speakers, a live twitter party and over 100+ door prizes to include free financial books and gift cards. This is all made possible by generous donations from USAA, Experian and other companies as well as individuals like you, who believe in helping our military members stay financially healthy so that they can keep their security clearances and do their important life-and-death work. All our speakers are volunteers and Heroes at Home doesn’t pay honorariums—these educators believe in our military members and their families. Currently, less than 1% of our donations go toward fundraising and over 90% goes directly to the support of educational programs for our troops.
What do I believe freedom means today?
I believe it means a free America.
I believe we can enjoy our freedom because of those who serve and those who love them.
I believe our Creator has freely given us gifts, talents and resources to make the lives of others better.
I believe in those who fight for our freedom both at home and abroad.
I believe in the land of the free because of the brave.
And I believe it’s time to go give those pesky puppies their sedatives before the fireworks begin.
What does freedom mean to YOU today?
As we are on our Heroes at Home Financial Event tour (at 17 bases in 5 countries) we often talk about how to follow through on our good intentions when it comes to money matters. The best way to do this is to have a regular money workout with an accountability partner.
A great example of this is these Newlyweds, who just finished their first Sixty Minute Money Workout and they loved it!
They did the “Money Personality” workout and discovered what personality each of them has and how they relate to money.
The number one reason marriages fail is because of arguments about money so if you can learn how to have a good workout, then you can get fiscally fit. You don’t have to be married either, you can have a “money buddy” just as you have a workout partner to help spot you when it comes to lifting weights or kicking it in cross fit.
But it begins with setting proper boundaries, so you can learn to get along and not digress into arguments. This is the same technique I shared on Nightline as I coached a couple on how to fight fair.
First of all, people need to understand that you don’t have to be a couple in order to do the workout. You can do it by yourself, or with a trusted friend, or even a family member who isn’t your spouse if you are single. But whoever you do the workout with, it’s important to set some boundaries to prepare:
• no condescension or negativity
• no interrupting your workout partner when they are talking
• no name calling
• no throwing food –
• start by saying one positive thing to each other
• end by saying one positive thing to each other
• create an environment that encourages comfort and success
• have a timer on hand (the one on your phone works well)
Step 1 – 5 Minutes – Make Up Your Mind Warm-Up
Here is where you set your timer for each section. When the timer goes off, then move on! In this section, you set the topic for the hour and begin with a “can do” attitude. It’s important to begin by saying or doing something positive. If you’re working out with a spouse, then begin by taking your spouses hands, looking into their eyes and saying something affirming.
Step 2 – 10 minutes – Strength Training
While step one was to start with affirming words and decide on your money topic, this next section is a time to write down goals on paper so that you will have a tangible and objective standard to work toward. Decide how you would like to see the topic resolved today, in six months and what the outcome of your goals will be in the long run. For example, if your topic is setting up a spend plan, you can also access tools like Mint that will help you in the workout.
Discuss obstacles that have kept you from reaching your goals in the past. If spending too much money on Amazon is slipping you up, then regulate that habit. Or if eating out too often gets you offline, then discuss ways to eliminate that obstacle.
Step 3 – 20 Minutes – Cardio Burn
In this step, you give feet to your goals. If you’re setting up a budget, then you write down the specifics and course of action for your topic of the day. This may not seem like a lot of time on this section, but realize that you may not get it resolved during the first workout. The key is to keep the discussion moving and work on what you can, whatever you missed, you can get the next time around. For example, if you’re looking to pay down debt, then go to Annual Credit Report to order free copies of your credit report. If your topic is improving your credit score, then go to Credit.com to discover where your score is weak and how to improve it. Or listen to a Periscope #CreditChat from@Experian_US. This show is hosted by Rod Griffin, our credit speaker on the Heroes at Home Financial Event tour.
Step 4 – 20 Minutes – Taking Your Heart Rate
If you are making progress on your goal, then continue to do the work. If you have gotten bogged down or you’ve reached a standstill, then use this time to redirect.
For example, if you’re developing a spend plan, and realize you are spending too much in an area, then you could redirect at this time to review this blog and learn quick ways that will help you save money in a variety of categories.
For instance, how to save on groceries. We’ve saved over $160,000 in the last 20 years by employing a variety of tips I discuss in my books and blog.
Step 5 – 5 Minutes – Congratulations Cool Down
The workout has gone by quickly and now the last 5 minutes are dedicated to the “Congratulations Cool Down.” End your workout and sit back, grab a glass of something cool to drink and reflect on all you’ve accomplished in just one hour! You started on a positive note and you’re going to end positive as well. Take this time to tell your partner one thing that you appreciate about today’s workout in order to end the discussion well.
Keep in mind that just as you don’t get physically buff in just one workout, your finances aren’t going to get in shape after the first try either. But after you and your mate have exercised with this money workout a half a dozen times you’ll find you are making progress that can revolutionize your finances in only an hour a week!
For a free “Sixty Money Workout” review sheet, just email firstname.lastname@example.org and ask for this resource.
America’s Family Financial Expert (R)
Technology–you gotta love it, and hate it, too.
On Jan 1, I published a very fun blog, that my readers loved. Then we transferred over to a new platform and it was forever lost.
So I’ve revived it, now that we are a few months into 2017 to remind us that this is going to be a good year!
My daughter, Bethany, and I have a close relationship that often baffles the unassuming bystander. While we have been known to have a hearty row every now and then, we prefer to laugh early and often. One of our shticks is performed when we try to call or text each other and the recipient fails to answer. Our ever-mature response is to call and leave voice mail saying,
“Why do you hate me?”
The other party is to respond as soon as possible with assurances that you are not nearly as hated as you think.
We have variations of this hilarity and while it seems unhealthy from the outside looking in, it works for us.
At the end of 2016 and beginning of 2017 we hear a lot about how eager some are to release 2016 to the dregs of a year gone sour: a year of political strife, unequalled loss and anguished setbacks. In short, they hated 2016.
But I have to say to 2016—I do not hate you.
In 2015 my Marine son was in a combat zone in Iraq, in 2014 he was in regular firefights in Afghanistan as an infantry platoon commander. Had I been prone to hate a year, it would have been 2014.
In 2016 that Marine married his true love and I gained a daughter. I know it’s a cliché, most mother-in-laws have to say that, right? But in my case, I really expanded the tent pegs of my heart to let another inside. This young lady read my books before she met me, she knows my son better than I, and she works kindly and lovingly behind the scenes to foster our family’s unity. She calls me “mama” and she calls me regularly. She gives me gifts (my love language is gift giving) and she makes me laugh. Yeah, I hear you “Ellie, you are painting this girl in shades of YOU—what she does for YOUR son, how she makes YOU feel, and the value she brings to YOUR family.” You are right. I am.
In 2013 my daughter Bethany, a recent college graduate, left the good old US of A and moved to England to serve at a non-profit that benefitted children. She mended hearts of kids who needed to hear about hope. She got to see a number of countries and experience other cultures and that was good. But the non-profit organization broke her heart. Amidst poor leadership, false accusation and territorial dogmas my daughter lost her joy. The “bouncing Bunny” came back shattered and in need of healing. If I could have hated a year, it could have been 2013.
In 2016 that daughter married her true love and I gained a son. Yes, here we go with the cliché’s again. But if you’ve never enlarged your heart to let someone who is not your own child in, then you don’t know what I’m talking about, so don’t judge me. This young man is guileless. Truly, he knows no guile. I don’t know if he’s a good poker player because he just doesn’t lie very well. My daughter had mended from her terrible-no-good-very-bad-year and was able to present him with a whole, healthy heart to have and to hold forevermore. He calls me “mama” even though he has a great family of his own and they are part of the assets he brings to our lives. He adores my daughter. He gets her. She chose well and they gained a “happily ever after.” Of course they’ll have challenges, loss and heartache. But they’ll have each other and that does a mama’s heart good.
In 2016, our family saw other great gains—my grandson’s 2nd birthday party with doting parents, Army beat Navy after 14 years, a son started pilot training, another son began his senior year at West Point, my children gathered from far away places for the weddings & holidays, and we welcomed our first grandfurbaby named Schmidt (yep, from New Girl, but the dog is better behaved.) My conference team successfully completed 15 events at 10 bases with Heroes at Home, providing financial literacy education to service members thanks to USAA. I have a passion for these people and I got to live out that in my work this past year. The last part of 2016 had us planning 2017 with 25 events at 17 different bases in five countries—a success by any standard.
In 2016 had my focus been on politics, social justice or mortality, I would have hated this past year. Had I chosen to look at the family drama, broken friendships, missing family & friends associated with the two Kay family weddings—I would have hated 2016. There was plenty of negativity to focus on this past year both in our family and in our world, but I chose to focus on what went right, not what went wrong. I chose (not based on feeling, but based on a decision of the will) to focus on what we have instead of what we don’t have. I tried to choose wisely.
No, 2016, I do not hate you.
As I’m writing this blog on January 1st, I turned off my phone to concentrate on the task at hand. I missed a few texts, a call goes to voice mail. I proof and edit my work, choose the photos to accompany the blog and populate it for the appropriate day. Then I listen to my voice mail. I have a “Happy New Year” message from my daughter that begins with,
“Why do you hate me?”
I smile to myself. Hello, 2017, I think we’re going to have a good year.
One of my passions is leading teams—our Heroes at Home financial event team, our Shop Talk Toastmasters club, and a number of teams that help future leaders attend one of our service academies. Developing leaders, both young and old, is a skill set that you are never too young to learn or too old to implement.
I believe that every motivated person can become an effective leader by learning the steps involved in how to L-E-A-D!
As fellow leaders, we sometimes have to face the brutal truth about the state of our team and make modifications whether we are leading in our military units, at work, in our volunteer work, or in our homes. Even if you are in the role of a follower, you can still lead informally.
Formal leaders may have the title, the paycheck, the status or the responsibility. But informal leaders can have a position of influence and that can make a huge difference as well. Can you imagine how much your team could accomplish if both the formal and informal leaders did their part for the betterment of the organization?
Everyone one is a leader, whether formally or informally and the difference lies in how we choose to incorporate four key steps to effectively LEAD for the sake of our teams.
L is for Loyalty
A leader must be loyal to the organization and leave no question that he or she is committed to its success. Loyalty is the distinguishing quality of winners. That goes for everyone on the team. A leader models loyalty so that it works top down, bottom up and side to side at all times.
In our organizations, it means we care about the success of the group more than we care about taking the “safe” path. When we take the responsibility of leadership in Toastmasters, for example, we take a membership oath where we commit to the club and they commit to the new member, this oath expresses our mutual loyalty.
We build loyalty by being part of the solution rather than the problem. In our social media world, it’s easy to become a troll and pile on the complaints, but loyalty means we look for better solutions. We build loyalty in leading by example, and building street cred. In my speaking profession, I continue to grow and work hard to achieve the highest Accreditation offered—the Accredited Speaker, which is awarded to less than 1% of all speakers, worldwide. This kind of hard work builds that credibility. You can’t encourage people to continue to work toward a goal if you’ve stopped.
We build loyalty by realizing our positions of leadership are a sacred trust – as an Accredited Speaker or a team lead, I have to really watch what I say and how I say it when I’m interacting with my team. I use praise freely and reproof sparingly.
What are ways YOU build loyalty?
E is for Enthusiasm
Leaders know that enthusiasm is contagious and they help spread it around. If you are excited about hitting the pavement every day it will show. And that generates enthusiasm among your team. There is only one thing more contagious than enthusiasm and that is the lack of enthusiasm.
We are passionate about who we lead and what we can accomplish and it’s hard to hide that enthusiasm. I remember when I was speaking at a dinner to honor all the students in the Antelope Valley who were graduating with a 4.0. There were about 1000 people there and I decided to tailor a speech toward financial literacy for young adults. I got so excited and passionate about ways they could graduate from college with minimal debt, get more bang for their buck and manage whatever budgets they had at their disposal.
The principal of one of the schools who had students there was so impacted by my passion, that he quit his job at the end of the year, and pursued his passion for a non-profit organization that would help troubled youth learn to live their dreams. He said that attending that banquet changed his life as he realized he didn’t want to live without passion in his work.
As a support system I think it’s important to retain our enthusiasm even when things get tough. I believe that 10% of life is our circumstances and 90% of life is our attitude toward our circumstances.
What are YOU Enthusiastic about?
Join us next week for the second part of this blog for the “A” and “D” of LEAD so that
You can become the leader your team needs you to be in order to change the world in a positive way.